My daughter’s birth was liberating and joyful, though it followed a pregnancy which was often anxious and fearful. I ask myself if the worry paved the way, at least in part, for the very happy birth (birth story below), and if accepting our anxieties in pregnancy is important preparation for birth and motherhood.
Yoga practice allows us to develop the aspect of our being we call the ‘witness’: it is a state of awareness and acceptance of all we experience. Developing the witness inside us means we can face and release difficult emotions, which arise even if we have been consciously working with ourselves for years, and perhaps especially at such a life-changing time as pregnancy. Developing the witness allows us to accept that the difficulties are an important part of our journey, and are the keys to letting go and positive change.
Perhaps deep down most of us have similar fears during pregnancy. Like many other pregnant women I was anxious about coping with a new baby, about the impact of a new baby on my older child, about my emotional and physical vulnerability, and about labour. During this time in my pregnancy I was fortunate to know that it is healthy, beneficial and safe to embrace these difficult emotional spaces in pregnancy. ‘Worry is the work of pregnancy’ I had been firmly told. I also discovered a therapeutic book called Birthing from Within by Pam England which encourages women to prepare for labour by acknowledging and releasing their fears. She encourages women to draw, keep diaries and talk out their worries. Worry and fear right through to terror are very common states in pregnant women; Pam England believes that if we work with them we have the opportunity to profoundly prepare and change ourselves, open ourselves out and free ourselves of baggage so that we may more fully and successfully enjoy birth and motherhood.
The practice of yoga and meditation sheds light on our inner state and helps us to cope with it. We become more aware of and truthfully acknowledge our emotions, and we learn how to release those that are impediments. Using certain yogic techniques proved hugely helpful for me to facilitate the letting go of difficult emotions. Of all the breathing techniques we teach, the golden thread breath is most often mentioned by women after birth as the thing that helped the most, and this practice can be done in pregnancy as preparation for labour and as a technique for letting go of anxiety any time. Breathing in deeply through the nose and out through a small space between the lips is simple but with mental focus is very powerful. You concentrate on the uplifting, energising quality of inhalation and the quality of release with the out breath, consciously letting go of fear, tension, emotional difficulty and physical sensation. The breath becomes an anchor for staying in a calm, safe mental space. Sound can be added; deep, rhythmic vowel sounds are most effective for calming and steadying the mind, soothing the body and, we presume, reassuring baby too.
Lying down for twenty minutes with a guided Yoga Nidra, either in the yoga class or at home with a recording, is a profoundly effective method for releasing fears in the run up to labour and motherhood. Each time you practice, though the conscious attention may have drifted and you can’t remember anything afterwards (!), a little more has been let go of and a calmer state exists. In a gently altered and relaxed state (the brain waves slowed to a deep sleep pattern) the critical intellect is less powerful and subconscious material is free to filter up and out, often almost unnoticed. (See our link to iTunes to buy ‘yoga nidra for pregnancy’)
Regular practice of asana (movement and posture), integrated with breath awareness, releases all sorts of physical and mental tension; humming breath (bhramari) and ujjayi breath are very soothing pranayamas (breathing practices) for the expectant mum and very likely the baby inside; heart-womb meditation helps us connect gently to our baby and there are countless other practices taught in our pregnancy yoga classes which are deeply beneficial for letting go of anxiety and tension.
Just before I was ready for labour, a few days perhaps, my mind cleared. My subsequent experience in birthing my daughter was joyful because the whole labour was, I believe, blissfully without tension or fear. This is the birth story I wrote afterwards. (I would firstly like to acknowledge that this is not a first labour, that I was also fortunate in many ways, that my baby was in an optimum position and that I was also well prepared for birth through yoga techniques.)
“Before I went to bed I knew that my baby was soon to be born… mild contractions were coming all evening and as I rocked on the ball I felt prepared and calm. At some point in the early morning I woke up in established labour, perhaps about four o’clock. I was delighted that I had had some sleep and felt energised and ready. This is just the way I hoped to feel at the beginning and I felt very confident now. Baby was in an optimum position and I had been visualising the release of birth for weeks. ‘Three hours’ kept coming to me: this will be the length of the labour: swift, just three hours.
I woke Ameet, while on all fours on the bed, feeling the strength of the contraction. This is it, I said. He got up, and we left Ro sleeping.
Downstairs I settled myself into the sitting room, soft cushions under my knees and my arms around the ball. I was comfortable, and I just dived into the rhythm of labour. One contraction at a time, very calm, and using the breath I had used throughout Rohan’s labour. I voiced “aaaaaahhhh” with every exhalation. I was distantly aware of Ameet’s business: calling Nicky – both my friend and midwife, calling Avi my father in law to collect Ro, setting up the birthing pool. But I was content on my own: really, wonderfully confident this time. All would be well, plenty of energy, no worries, mentally clear. Just the breath – aaaaaaahhh – slow and releasing.
The contractions swelled rapidly. They were not even, sometimes a very intense contraction would blast me and I used my voice to make it through. My voiced exhalations were very loud and sometimes forced. Owww I felt, almost can’t make it. But then a softer contraction would follow, not so bad, I am okay again. My position was always the right one in this labour, I just stayed rocking on the ball.
When Nicky arrived she was a gentle familiar presence, very trusted, and I was uninterrupted. I didn’t want to be touched or helped this time, just left alone, because I was safe and I knew exactly where I was in the journey of birth. Okay, safe, fine. I had cleared so much fear and dread of this birth in the preceding months, through hard anxious graft, and the results were amazing.
After Nicky’s arrival things moved rapidly. Suddenly I connected to the visualisation I had practiced before: the waves, riding above them with every breath, through every contraction. It made beautiful sense. I saw the dark waves rising and sinking and I rode above them. The harder contractions were the very stormy waves, wild and almost insurmountable, but I made it.
Now I couldn’t stand up. The pool was ready: they encouraged me to move. “No I can’t stand”. Nicky attached knee pads and I crawled. In the kitchen, at the pool, I stood for a moment in the brief space between contractions. The urge to bear down was growing, as I stepped into the pool.
Ameet asked “is it nice?” I felt the warm soothing water on me. Nicky helped me take my top off. I hardly wanted to speak and didn’t care if I had clothes or not. “It’s good” I said.
A few seconds later the most overwhelming sensation of my life took me. I began to yell louder and louder. It was tremendous. I couldn’t register it as pain: it was too much to comprehend at all. I couldn’t understand; I was blown away by the primal power of this thing that had taken me. “what’s happening Nicky? What’s happening?” I was crying.
“The baby’s coming…” she said, and “you’ve just given birth to the head”.
She was born into the water in the next contraction, my beautiful, delightful daughter. I felt ecstatic: it had been a beautiful birth, I had loads of energy left. It was a happy, happy moment. We named her straight away, Mala, and she breastfed confidently and decisively. It had all taken about three hours. Magic.
I still feel that she exerted a great influence on her birth. If it was a dialogue between her and me, then the clarity, the decisiveness, the confidence, the calm of it were elements of her nature, strongly expressed in her birth.
Amazing, wonderful, healing and liberating. I was flying on happy hormones for months.”
What a beautiful birth story, thank you for sharing x